Nightmare

Sometimes, one wakes up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. Your heart is beating, mind running a million miles per hour. For the past half hour you have been running from Vampires or Zombies... Evil Step Sister... A thousand naked woman throwing little pickles at you(The horror here is that this is a joke from a movie I was making fun of somebody for quoting, and it's 25 years old, and ... they are trying to reclaim their lost youth).

You wake up, Heart and mind going a thousand miles per hour... Only that is how I wake up. 3am on a saturday, and no I wasn't being chased by zombies... I just woke up. I have nothing to do... but laundry...

all I really want is to get about 4 more hours of sleep... and to wake up refreshed.

Probably isn't going to happen.. but I'll probably lay back in bed and wish for some real sleep.

This was a letter.....

I have the pork thing, the one you had such a clever name for.... PorkFlu, Porkchop Fever! I can't remember. It has my head in a Vice, sort of a confused haze. I need to rest up and get over it as quickly as possible, but Rest just gives me too much time to reflect, and wallow in misery. I can almost smell it. Does the Swine flu have a smell?

I'm watching 'To Gillian on her 37th birthday.' It seems ok, but all I can think of is that I was 20 something when it came out, and has Michelle Pfeiffer in it, and apparently she is 37, looking good but reminds me of how old I am.... "Am I that old" "Am I old enough to be a professor and live on a beach, to have had a wonderful wife die, and have a 16 year old daughter." And yet here I sit, wallowing in what it is to be me. Anyways, who can live up to these Hollywood fantasies?

Struggling with fantasies I guess. This is going to sound strange, but I just want to exist. Just want to ... be there and be a person, have a life like everyone else. But it seems like that is the fantasy, that I am what I am, Where I am. It's best probably to just let it all be.

Just keep fighting and let it all be, I guess.

White hot Mop acton.

Beat... I'm beaten like an old mule...

Not complaining I do it to myself. I did sneak out and watch a movie. you know I can't just drive and see a movie. I have to walk 3 miles, with the mp3 player get some exercise, then I can eat some wings, and see a movie.....

That is a big Saturday night for me... ends about 7pm.

I intend to make enchiladas and chili reanos tomorrow. No idea how to do the chili things.. stuff peppers with cheese I guess..

Shit!!! I'm sorry blog.... I tried!

(seriously if you want to know why I don't write much.... this is it... this is how it comes out, and I just want to suck my thumb and watch news about Jon and Kate.. Ok I'm kidding, but not... It's more that I'd love to do something so mindless, but my mind won't let me. But in all honesty, i'm 100% up to date with jon and kate and baloonboy drama!)

Ugh... of a week

Too much is going on...

and there is something else going on out there, that I'm too .... You know... Keep fighting buddy... Keep fighting..

Tough to keep going on about my bullshit...

I actually wrote a story, which I can't share, it's ok. I'm going to try and write more. and I'm toying with submitting them for publication.

My writing has become so broken. I need to start writing in story format.

Keep going everyone, try and keep the good Energy going.

Hi Blog!

When there is nothing else, there is the old blog.....

Yep made it all the way to that phrase, The old words just don't run out of the tips of my fingers like they used to..... I wish it could be so.... just for the Cleansing of it... or whatever that word is Catharsis!!!!!

I was feeling a little backed up, went after a fiber cereal, and fortunately some company has mixed sugar with fiber and now it's good for me... Right...

Seriously, i'm running at like an 11 on a 1-10 emotional scale...

Seems like the hate mongers and the fear merchants are doing their best to get the country all worked up.....

always seems easy to me, try and watch who is filled with the most Lies and Hate... and stay away from them....

not that they then shouldn't be hated...

I'm just saying; if you think that Obama is Hitler, and there is some mass conspiracy by ACORN for Kenyan Black panthers to overthrow the U.S. government, and put the white folk in FEMA deathcamps.

You either need to spend a weekend coming to your senses, or get some help...

but for sure the fear merchants are out there trying to use it to get what they want...

this is the nonsense that has me on an 11 on the old emotional volume meter.

ok... I may be joining the Freepers!

But the rocket scientists in congress have now decided to pull off... what I expected.

The solution to health care, is to give more money to insurance companies.

most probably outcome is forcing people into "Insurance Programs" that are low end, So that Minor injuries will be covered but anything Major will still cause bankruptcy. Unless of course people want to spend half their income on a Decent program.

we will see if it's a "Tax Break" or a "Tax Credit" and how much but I doubt it will be larger than 5K.. what is that $400 a month.

apparently the breaks come if you are paying over 15% for health care.

which should be easy since lower middle class is 30K per family, and median health expenses are 15K.

so there could be up to a 4K dollar penalty to not have insurance....

bla bla bal CBIATWT

Tired... not up for a post... I feel good on the bike, though my cleat position is FUCKED UP... Need to work on it... just in time to buy some new shoes!!! LOL.

Decided to do some climbing today. Don't get too excited! no flats in like 50 or 60 miles.. so that is good! The legs were sore...

what is funny is that for 6 warmup miles I feel like crap, then finaly I settle in and things are fine!

Melanie Odin Kicked ass today, definatly a top 10 player... it will take some time for the other players to get her game Dialed in, then we will see how she really does... but she has a "For REAL" game. many of the top womans players got the USOPEN "GO BIG OR GO HOME!" and ended up on the losing end.

Funny how my jokes get sort of spoiled on Twitter... With Odin of the USA and her trying to go through all these russian woman.... I commented "It's like the old 1980's cold war days, only they brought the Sexy!"

It's thursday, and the week has piled up, HAVE to get some of the Lingering shit done tomorrow. Maybe if I get it done I can get a good puke on.... spent the first part of the week doing maintinence instead of getting projects done.... so that is where I am...

What a shit post... oh... up the hill today some MTB caught my wheel... lasted a few minutes and I sort of left him on the dangle... cause I was fucking tired.... Then I kicked the bike into top gear and let it shred!! It was sad actually!... for both of us!

Like I said, felt good for a guy who feels like he is getting kicked all day!

If your managed to read through this whole thing!!! Thank you ... and I'm sorry!!! The 80's thing was good.... It's what I have and it's all there is....

then I came home and i Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing!